The day our world stopped

After many hours of contemplating, I finally decided that I absolutely couldn't wait, and I was opting for the early ultrasound.  My 20-week ultrasound would be December 18, but I just couldn't wait that long...I was dying to know the sex of my baby!  I called and scheduled my ultrasound for November 20, at which point I would be 16 weeks.

I discussed my choice with many people, whether I should wait or go ahead.  Most said wait, it's only FOUR MORE WEEKS.  Although I knew it would only be a short period of time, something kept telling me on the inside to go ahead and do it.  Later I would find out that my instincts proved to be right.

The day before I was to go in for the big reveal, I was having a very uneasy feeling.  I was nervous.  I knew deep down inside that something was wrong.  I even brought it up to my mom several times, "I just feel like something isn't right."  She, of course, would re-assure me everything was fine.

The next day I was scheduled to have my regular OB appointment at 10:45 and my ultrasound at 1:00. Going into this appointment with my uneasy feelings was not fun.  I laid on the table, the nurse took the doppler in her hand and began to search for the heartbeat.  The search took a little longer than I would have liked, so that had me scared, but then I heard that wonderful, comforting sound of the glug glug glug at 154 bpm.  Whew!  Breath of fresh air!  The doctor came in, we talked about normal appointment things (weight gain, nutrition, etc.) and I was ready to go.  I was in and out in about 30 minutes, so I had time to go to lunch with my mom.

12:30 rolled around and we were already back at the doctor's office.  My mom came to the appointment with me, and Brian met us there on his lunch break.  We anxiously waited in the waiting room...waiting, waiting, waiting. 1:10 came and we finally got called back.  I was in a fog of excitement!  The ultrasound technician came in, squirted the jelly on my belly, and I immediately saw the most beautiful image.  Tears started flowing immediately.  At last sight, my little one was merely a nugget on the screen.  This time, my baby actually looked like a human being!  I could see little arms, legs, and an outline of a face.  We watched as the baby waved at us and did gymnastics in my stomach.  The tech finally got a peek and told us we are having a GIRL!! We were all so happy and we all knew it was going to be a girl!  Then the tech got quiet and said the words that made my heart stop.  "I see a problem."

The room got very somber as she continued to look at my baby girl's "defect."  She then proceeded to tell me what was going on.  She has what is known as an Omphalocele.  This is where the baby's intestines do not go all the way back into their stomach through the umbilical cord.  This cause them to stay outside of their body in a 'sac'.  I could look at the ultrasound and clearly see the omphalocele.  She said they see about 1 to 2 cases of these every year, so it was pretty rare.  They immediately told me I would be going to Birmingham to the Maternal and Fetal medicine clinic to have a level 2 ultrasound.  Going home with only this information is of course overwhelming to a mother, much less a new mother.  So what did I do?  Of course I GOOGLED.  Most people would say not to do that, but I believe God puts certain things in your life, and I found some blogs that comforted me when no one else could.

Pregnancy so far..

So far, I will have to say I have been so lucky.  I am 13 weeks right now, and have yet to get sick.  I do have my bouts of nausea often, but nothing to write home about.  I have a colleague at work who is 13 weeks pregnant as well, and her journey has definitely not been a piece of cake.  She's informed me that she throws up in the morning and at night.  I really do feel for her.  And if I were her, I would hate me.  It's so weird how pregnancies can be so different for everyone.  

As far as cravings are concerned, I definitely haven't had crazy ones.  French fries are a big one for me. I LOVE them.  I could eat them with every meal (which might be why I have gained 10 pounds in the first trimester, yikes!)  I am craving a lot more water, I used to never hardly drink water.  Other than that, I can usually eat anything.  Although I have noticed that my sense of smell is getting more distinct.  If someone is wearing too much perfume or has bad breath, it makes me super duper nauseous.  

I have been and still am EXTREMELY tired.  I am now in bed by 8:30 every night...exciting huh?  I never thought I would ever say that.  During the day, I am almost in a zombie mode.  I am here in body, but not really in mind.  I could literally lay my head on my desk and fall asleep in 30 seconds.  This has probably been the "worst" part of my pregnancy yet, just because I haven't had energy to do anything!

My body is definitely changing.  Even though I can't feel the baby yet, I know something is in there, cause my clothes are getting tighter and tighter!  And I finally have boobs!!! And it's not all it's cracked up to be... I finally bought my first maternity garment the other day, a pair of jeans.  I HATE maternity pants.  I feel like I am wearing toddler clothes with the elastic waste band.  Can you please think of something that makes pregnant women who are gaining weight and hormonal feel even worse about themselves??? Oh yeah let's give them pants with an elastic waste band!  OK, I know it is necessary, but come on!!  I am not big enough to where the maternity jeans stay up without a problem, but I am too big for all my jeans I have now.  Thanks goodness all my work pants still fit, even if I have to wear them unbuttoned :)  

I absolutely can not wait to find out what this child is!!! I am so anxious to start planning and putting together the room.  This waiting game is not fun!  People are constantly asking me what I would rather have, and I always respond, "I don't care, as long as it's healthy."  And that is the truth!  I am also ready to settle on a name.  Brian and I have not had the best of luck agreeing on a name, so I am hoping once we find out, it might become a little easier!  Dr. Des said it will probably be two weeks before Christmas when we are able to find out.  I think that will be such a cool time!!  The expectation of Christmas and all it's excitement tied into finding out will be so fun!  I have to come up with a fun way to announce it to everyone!  

I have to give it up to Brian.  He has been the most amazing man during all of these crazy hormone changes, crying fits, trying on a billion outfits cause nothing fits blues.  I already knew he was an awesome person, that's why I married him!  But seeing how he's been with me and acted during different situations we've been though just validates that he will be such a great dad!  He is over the moon excited about this baby.  He even bends over to my tummy and talks to the little nugget almost nightly.  It makes me so emotional to see him like this.  There is a quote that always gets me every time I read it and it's "I never knew how much I loved your father until I saw how he loved you." Or something along those lines.  It's so amazing that God has given us the gift of a spouse, then you and your spouse take the love you have for one another, and turn it into a baby.  I can't think of anything more indescribable, except for Christ's love for us.  It's too much! I'm crying now...

Speaking of crying, I am crying more now than probably I have ever in my whole life combined.  Any little thing sets me off, and it is driving me crazy!  My sister's wedding was last weekend, and yeah, I was doing the ugly cry at the front of the aisle.  Lord help me!  Brian mentioned the other day that he *may* have to travel some with his new job, and tears began welling up in my eyes.  Commercials, TV shows (especially Parenthood) and songs on the radio, it all turns me into a blubbering mess. From what I hear though, this part of pregnancy never goes away...GREAT!!

I am sure I will have a lot more to add once I have experienced more of this thing called pregnancy.  As of now, I am finishing up my first trimester, so hopefully I can get some energy back!  

October 22, 2012

This particular Monday was the second appointment for my little one.  Today was Brian's first day at his new job, so he couldn't come to the appointment.  My mom had already made plans with me to bring my meemaw and come to my visit.  I got to the office by 3:15 and sat in the waiting room.  It's always fun to look at other people and wonder what their stories are.  First, an Indian couple caught my attention.  The petite woman was covered head to toe.  She had on a head scarf, long pants and a long jacket, with her little belly barely poking out.  She kept drinking water like she was doing to become dehydrated.  I then realized she had not yet given a "sample" and she was trying to make herself have to "go".  Yes, every single visit you must give a "sample".  How fun is that, especially when you don't have to pee!  

I also noticed a woman with a small baby, just born, along with a stroller of two kids.  All the kids looked under the age of 2.  WOW was all I could think in my head as the two in the stroller kept screaming and crying.  Just seeing this scene made everything so real.  Because as of right now, it doesn't really seem real.  There's no feeling inside, I can't tell that the baby is there.  It just all feels like a dream right now.  

I was finally called back to my room, where my mom and meemaw accompanied me to hear the heartbeat.  As soon as she put the doppler on my stomach, it picked the heartbeat up immediately.  I can hear my baby's heart beating strong! (153 bpm)  I looked at my meemaw, who was beaming proudly.  She is so excited for her first great-grandchild!  I looked at my mom, and saw the excitement all over her face.  This will be her first grandchild.  She has been looking forward to this time in her life ever since Brian and I got married.  And it's finally here.  I feel that this baby is going to be a miracle for our family.  

My mom has a vast amount of health problems.  She's had diabetes since before I was born and it's taken a toll on her body.  She had open heart surgery over a year ago, and is still recovering from the aftermath of it all.  My meemaw is fighting stage 4 breast cancer that has spread to her bones.  She is so weak and brittle right now, I've never seen her this way.  I believe the excitement of this baby will somehow help to bring up their spirits and maybe give them both something to think about other than their illnesses.  I can only hope.  I need my mom.  I need her help.  I want her help.  I want her to be able to enjoy her grandchild fully.  I pray this to God, and only He knows the future.  

My next appointment is November 20!

Labor Day 2012

It would be on this day that I would find out the most terrifying, but most incredible news of my life.

I went to the store, bought a test, and there were two lines...I was pregnant!  At that moment, I was excited and scared at the same time.  I felt feelings I had never felt before, ever.  Up until now, I had planned my life perfectly.  I even basically constructed my own engagement.  I always say I love surprises, but secretly inside, I love having control over situations.  At this moment in my life, I could honestly say I had no control whatsoever.

Brian knew that I was taking a test, he even went with me to get one.  But I've taken tests before, and they always came out negative.  It was just me being paranoid.  He would always say, "Trust me, you are not pregnant" and he was right.  But this time was different.  After I showed him the test, we both smiled, hugged, and then sat down and stared at each other for what seemed like years.  With that one test, our lives had officially changed FOREVER.  

Brian and I dated for 9 years and have been married over 4 years, we've come into our own in our careers, and most would say, "You've been married long enough, it's time for kids."  I will say, you can be married for 15 years, have all the money in the world, and I don't believe you will ever feel ready.  After staring at each other for what seemed like a decade, I finally began crying.  I confessed to Brian that I didn't want this child to affect us.  What we have built as a couple, how we treat each other, the little things we do for one another, etc.  I didn't want that to go away.  I know many couples that let children take over and their marriage evaporates.  I didn't want that to happen.  I was scared.

We were also facing some other issues on the home front.  The company Brian worked for on Gunter did not get the contract for the next year, which means Brian was going to be out of a job for a short while.  This news can definitely put stress on any family, but especially when you just found out your going to start a family.  Nevertheless, Brian was slated to go on a job interview with this "new" company to get his old job back.

The day of the interview was the day we found out I was pregnant.  How's that for some stress?!

Even though I was thinking the worst throughout all that, I just kept thinking about the little miracle inside me.  How everything was going to be just fine.  I kept thanking God for everything we had, even when I felt like we had nothing.

We went for the first ultrasound on September 24, 2012 and got to see our little miracle in action.  As soon as I saw that little heartbeat (170 bpm) and saw that little peanut rolling around in there, I had an overwhelming peace.  Brian and I both cried.  It was such an amazing moment.

Everything has worked out completely how God wanted it to.  Brian actually got a job with another company and he received a raise!  I am doing great with my pregnancy, no sickness!! Praise the Lord!  I am going to use this blog to keep a record of all the great (and not so great) things that will happen during my journey to motherhood!  I want my child to be able to read about their parents love story and how our love made him/her!